SAN ANTONIO — Hiding your financial affairs can be as devastating as concealing a physical affair. A U.S. News & World Report survey found 30% of people have experienced financial infidelity.
“Accounts were off, the balances were off or they saw secret purchases, hidden accounts, or it could even be just lying about your income,” said Beverly Harzog, a credit card expert with U.S. News and World Report. “It covers a variety of activities, but they all have one thing in common. It all involves deception.”
"Seventy-five percent of the people surveyed said there is a limit to what’s tolerable in terms of partner debt,” said Mark LoCastro with Forbes Advisor. “Couples draw the line of tolerable debt in a new relationship at $60,000.”
Financial experts said it is not a number that causes breakups but the dishonesty that breaks hearts. The time to talk about finances is when a relationship becomes serious. Full financial transparency will allow couples to plan how to reach their mutual goals.
“That could be retirement, that could be saving for a house,” LoCastro said.
“Goals aren’t just about investing and retirement accounts,” Harzog said. “Goals are about taking a great vacation next year. You want to be sure that you’re open and that you make decisions and have goals and so that your decisions lead you to those goals. You can’t do that if you don’t know how much each other makes or you know how much debt each other has.”
Forbes Advisor found the top three reason people lie about their finances is shame because of mishandling money, wanting to avoid an argument, and wanting to feel more independent.
Long-time couples can recover from financial infidelity, but it takes honesty, number crunching, and regular money meetings.
“Set up a budget and set goals,” Harzog said. “That’s the right way to move forward and give each other a little bit of freedom. No one likes to feel like they’re getting an allowance from their partner.”
Opposites can attract, but money does not have to break up spenders and savers.
“If your partner is the saver, let that person handle tracking expenses,” Harzog said. “Perhaps you handle investments. It depends on what your strengths are. I really think couples can work on this. Even if you’re different, you can come together and each person can bring their own strength to the relationship.”
So plan a date to get the heart of your money matters. Bring your balance sheets and budgets so you can break even rather than break up.